


Brief Interviews With Best Friends

by jkateel



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-02
Updated: 2006-09-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3632049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jkateel/pseuds/jkateel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Doma, the U.S. Navy conducts interviews with Jounouchi, Honda, Anzu and Kaiba in regards to Yuugi Mutou. All reports and information should be treated as classified material.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Re: Katsuya Jounouchi

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of a comic that was making fun of Yu-Gi-Oh!, since a card game does determine the 'fate of the world'. The joke was that it was a surprise any government would allow the game to be played, or at least not call in air strikes every time it is played. And so, an idea was born…

**To:** The Federal Bureau of Investigation  
**From:** Office of Naval Intelligence  
**Re:** Yuugi Mutou Interviews Enclosed

* * *

Sirs, I'll make this brief. All transcripts of the interviews are attached, but the Office of Naval Intelligence has determined these children pose no threat to national security or will hurt our relations with the nation of Japan. The children have since been released from our custody and have settled under the protection of Seto Kaiba, head of the international company _Kaiba Corporations_ and will return to Japan soon.

* * *

_Attachment: Transcript_

**0500 Hours, August 11, 1998**  
USS Autumn, Office of Naval Intelligence  
Atlantic Ocean off the coast of New York  
Re: Katsuya Jounouchi, Age 17

_Q: How long have you known Yuugi Mutou?_

Ummm…I'm not really sure. He's been in my class since junior high, so…almost six years? Yeah, almost six years.

_Q: What would you say your relationship is with him?_

Uh? Oh, oh, you mean 'friendship'! Sorry, your translator said something else…but, we're best friends! Yup! Me an' Yuug'! Team Jounouchi, us! Okay, maybe team Yuug', but that's us! Yeah…hey, do you have anything to eat? I'm starving.

_Q: What are Yuugi Mutou's interests? What does he like to do?_

Ha! Girls and games. And I have every reason to believe it ain't in that order, but he loves 'em both though, I'll tell you that much. And he's a genius at games, never lost one! Ever! But he's not so much a genius at girls, though they all think he's cute. I never really understood that, but my friend Mai said it was because he was 'sweet, innocent, and fun to make blush'. I never told her Yuug's anything but innocent, heh heh, if you know what I mean…

Sorry.

_Q. How would you describe Yuugi Mutou?_

Err…kind of quiet, I guess. Always kind of keeps to himself. Calm. Which I suppose is good, because we've all had a rough year lately. With everything so hectic, it's kind of nice to know Yuug' is always there, and not panicking with the rest of us. Just don't piss him off, because well…he can get kind of… _mean_. No, no, not evil. Just…yeah, don't piss _him_ off. And, please, do NOT challenge him to a game when he's pissed. This is good advice, buddy, so write that down too.

By the way, can I have another sandwich?

_Q: How did you two become friends?_

Heh heh, well, you see, that's a long, _long_ story. Well, yeah, I know we have all day, but the details aren't important! We're friends now, that's all that matters. Best friends! Yuug' and me are going to be best friends forever, too! Come on, next question!

**(0515 Hours, August 11, 1998)**

Okay, okay, okay! Alright, fine. Me an' my friend Honda used to…bully Yuug' a lot. He was the weird kid in class, the short guy, and he always sat in the back of class playing with little games instead of talkin' with anyone. It was weird, y'know? And I always thought he was a wimp and no one ever really paid him any attention but Anzu.

When I noticed him talking to Anzu one day, he had this box. Well, not a box…maybe a chest? Anyway, it looked like real gold, had a funky eye on it and those little funky Egyptian drawings on it. Whaddya' call 'em? Right, right, _hieroglyphics._ So, he's talking to Anzu, and since I'm kinda intrigued by the box, I get Honda with me to walk over to him.

You really don't need to know all the details, but I took the box, and when Yuug' begged to have it back, his _treasure_ , I got kind of annoyed. What guys begs for anything? So, I told Yuug' I was goin' to teach how to be a man! Kind of…kind of how I thought I was at the time. And I gave Yuug' back his box, but not after I got a peek inside. There was all these puzzle pieces inside, and I remember thinking how could this be anyone's treasure? But, it was a gold color, and I took one piece before giving it back to Yuug'. Showed it to Honda, and we both determined it wasn't real gold, and chucked it into the pool.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm an awful person. The worst part was I don't think Yuug' ever knew. I never told him, and I'm sure Honda hasn't either, but do you want to know the truly awful part of all this? Despite how we treated him, Yuug' went out of his way to stop another bully, Hall Monitor Ushio, from beating me an' Honda up! Can you believe it? At first, I thought Yuugi got the guy to come after us, and damn, did it hurt, but then he runs up, five foot against this guy who's like monstrously huge and bordering six feet, and yells, "They were just trying to teach me to be a man!"

And, god, the guy beat the shit out of him. Pardon my language, but he did. And I swear, Yuug' never made a sound. Not once. And he was beaten up pretty badly, all for Honda an' me. Can you believe that? Would you protect the two people who bully you?

Anyway, I felt awful, afterwards, and I…went and got his puzzle piece from the bottom of the pool. Couldn't face him, though, so I gave it to his grandfather…Spent the night wallowing around on my bed, wondering how the hell I was going to say 'thanks' to Yuug'. And how I was going to tell him I didn't mind bein' his friend. Finally, I figured it out. I knew Yuug' liked games, so I made up a riddle for him to solve!

Things that we can see but we can't see! See, it's a riddle! Can you guess what it is?

Okay, okay! It's friendship. Geez.

But, me and Yuug' have been best friends ever since! Team Yuug'!

_Q: Tell us about Duel Monsters. What is it?_

It's a card game.

_Q: Is that all?_

It's…a really good card game?

* * *

**/END TRANSCRIPT/**


	2. Re: Hiroto Honda

**To:** The Federal Bureau of Investigation  
**From:** Office of Naval Intelligence  
**Re:** Yuugi Mutou Interviews Enclosed

Not all of the children were quite willing to answer the questions presented to them. But after careful consideration, we decided it did not deter our investigation.

* * *

_Attachment: Transcript_

**0500 Hours, August 11, 1998**  
USS Autumn, Office of Naval Intelligence  
Atlantic Ocean off the coast of New York  
Re: Hiroto Honda, Age 17

_Q. You've known Yuugi Mutou for six years, correct?_

Does it matter?

_Q. For the purpose of our investigation, yes. Please answer the question._

Your 'investigation'? So this is why my friends and I are still here, huh? Why? Do we pose a threat to national security?

_Q. That information is classified._

Go figure.

Q _. We are conducting interviews to determine your – and your friends – involvement in the recent events._

'Our involvement'? Huh. So why didn't you ask me about Jounouchi? Or Anzu? Hell, even Kaiba? Why did you only ask me about Yuugi?

_Q. That isn't relevant._

…It must be, otherwise you wouldn't have asked. But, seriously, I think you should stop with all of these interviews. I'll tell you right now what they're going to do for your investigation.

_Q. What?_

_Absolutely nothing._ By the way, how much is this costing you? This interview here?

_Q. Why does it matter?_

I just want to know how much my time is worth. Somethin' to tell the folks when I get back home. I think a million in American currency. That sound alright?

_Q. Do we have a problem here?_

At a million dollars an interview, I think the answer you want is 'yes'. Hey, you the guy who's typing all this, add this to your list of questions. 'What could have that million dollars been spent on instead of this'? Now, now, type my answer –

_Q. Stop this immediately._

First of all, your schools. I don't know what you've been teaching the current generation, but every American I've met is rude, doesn't know anything about any culture but their own, and makes no effort to learn about the different culture they're in! They barge right into another country, making demands, calling people by their first names – it's rude! Us Japanese make all the effort in the world to be polite to foreigners—

_Q. Please desist._

Next, your law enforcement. I went to San Francisco, and do you know how many police officers I found. One. And the guy was on a horse. In the age of really fast cars – which by the way, all your cars are crap – do you really think an officer is going to stop someone on a horse? Yeah, yeah, I know San Francisco is pretty crowded all the time, so you can't use your fast cars all too much. But when the streets are filled with people, it's going to be hard to catch someone on the horse without trampling innocent pedestrians!

_Q. Mr. Honda._

And the one time my friends and I needed police assistant, the nearest officer we found was ten blocks from the scene of the incident. Ten blocks! By the time we got back, we were lucky no one was dead! It was pathetic! I mean, come on, what if it really was serious, something that concerned America's national security! And the only officer was ten blocks away and - **/Unable to translate/**

_Q. Mr. Honda, cease this at once._

And you're so rude! Whatever happened to 'please'? Look, man, I'll tell you this much. My friends and I came here under the invitation of Pegasus J. Crawford, owner of Industrial Illusions. Kaiba helped bring popularity to his game because of his holographic technology, and Yuugi was the one Crawford declared the 'King of Games'. We came here on business, and now that business is taken care of, we're going to some fun stuff. Not everyday some Japanese kids come to the great United States of America, y'know?

We'll do a little sightseeing. Eat some expensive food. Jounouchi can't wait to get some steak and lobster, and Yuugi is looking forward to gorging on hamburgers. Then, we'll go back home, go back to school, and be polite and tolerant of all Americans who come to sight see.

_Q. Are you finished?_

I'm worth a million dollars of your time, sir! That's up to you, isn't it?

_Q. It is. And, I only have one question for you. Tell us about Duel Monsters. What is it?_

Please do not tell me you spent a million dollars to ask me that.

* * *

**/END TRANSCRIPT/**


	3. Re: Anzu Mazaki

**To:** The Federal Bureau of Investigation  
**From:** Office of Naval Intelligence  
**Re:** Yuugi Mutou Interviews Enclosed

Further investigation into Yuugi Mutou's character revealed a number of things. Admiral Stansworth, who reviewed the transcripts, claimed he was a 'martyr'. (We have since added that to Yuugi Mutou's profile.)

* * *

_Attachment: Transcript_

**0500 Hours, August 11, 1998**  
USS Autumn, Office of Naval Intelligence  
Atlantic Ocean off the coast of New York  
Re: Anzu Mazaki, Age 17

_Q. How long have you known Yuugi Mutou?_

I-I can speak English, ummm…sirs. And to answer your question, I've known Yuugi for about ten years. If it's all right, may I ask you why it matters?

_Q. We are conducting an investigation to determine your – and your friends – involvement in the recent events surrounding the group called 'Doma'._

Oh.

_Q. You don't sound surprised._

Well, I kind of figured that when you detained us. But my friends and I did nothing wrong! We were invited to come to America by Pegasus J. Crawford, the owner of Industrial Illusions. He can attest to that!

_Q. Perhaps, but we have evidence that 'Doma' specially targeted Mr. Crawford, using his card game, plus the use of Kaiba Corporation's holographic technology, to commit acts of cyber terrorism all over the globe._

We had nothing to do with that!

_Q. Maybe you didn't, Miss Mazaki, but the evidence suggests 'Doma' also targeted a young man named Yuugi Mutou. Now, we can understand the reason 'Doma' targeted the two companies, but why Yuugi Mutou?_

**/Silence/**

_Q. Miss Mazaki?_

God cards.

_Q. Repeat that?_

God cards! 'Doma' was after Yuugi's god cards.

_Q. What are those?_

They are rare cards in the game Duel Monsters. The game is based around a game played in Ancient Egypt and the most powerful cards are called the 'Egyptian God cards'. T-That's…that's what 'Doma' was after.

_Q. 'Doma' was after these cards._

Yes.

_Q. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds, Miss Mazaki?_

Of course I do! And, yes, it is ridiculous, because I've almost lost all of my friends to a card game! I almost lost Yuugi because of a card game! I almost lost Yuugi because of –

_Q. Because of?_

N-Nothing. Never mind. Look, I know it's kind of hard to believe 'Doma' did all these awful things because…b-because of a card game, but it's true. And they went after Yuugi, because he's the best at the game. He's…I mean, Y-Yuugi…has never lost a game. And because of that, everyone goes after him. I mean…Yuugi.

_Q. Are you all right?_

I'm fine. S-Sorry, it's been a rough few days. But, please, believe me when I say, Yuugi is innocent in all of this. The only thing he's guilty of is being really good at a card game. In truth, he's actually a really normal teenager, like all of us!

He likes to play games, eat hamburgers, and just be…normal! And he's always tries to be there when you need him, and sometimes even when you don't realize you need him! But…because of that, everyone kind of…kind of thinks he'll always be there. And you never realize how lost you are when he's gone…

_Q. Our investigation has revealed Yuugi Mutou was the one who put a stop to the threat 'Doma' posed._

Heh. Like I said, Yuugi's there when you need him. Even if it's the world that needs him, Yuugi's there.

_Q. And you're there for him?_

I used to think so.

_Q. What do you mean?_

N-Nothing. Yes, I'm there for him. Even…Even if he needs me there or not.

* * *

**/END TRANSCRIPT/**


	4. Re: Seto Kaiba

**To:** The Federal Bureau of Investigation  
**From:** Office of Naval Intelligence  
**Re:** Yuugi Mutou Interviews Enclosed

Who the hell let a teenager have their own company?

* * *

_Attachment: Transcript_

**0500 Hours, August 11, 1998**  
USS Autumn, Office of Naval Intelligence  
Atlantic Ocean off the coast of New York  
Re: Seto Kaiba, age 17

_Q. Mr. Kaiba…you are the president and CEO of Kaiba Corporations, correct?_

I thought that would be obvious. And, by the way. I can speak English.

_Q. Our apologies, Mr. Kaiba. We just assumed—_

Yes, you've been doing a lot of that lately. Why am I here?

_Q. We just have a few questions to ask you, Mr. Kaiba. Recently, Kaiba Corporations' technology was used to commit acts of –_

My company had no part in that.

_Q. Once again, our apologies, Mr. Kaiba, but we have the evidence that suggests your company's technology –_

Did you just hear yourself? You said you have evidence that _suggests_ my company had some part in all this. As I've said before, my company has no part in all this.

_Q. Your technology was used—_

My technology has been out for almost two years. That gives plenty of time for someone to develop a sub-standard version of it.

_Q. The group known as 'Doma' tried to take over your company -_

And they failed. I'll ask you again, why am I here?

_Q. We are trying to determine your company's involvement in the recent events surrounding the group known as 'Doma'._

…You people are idiots.

_Q. Mr. Kaiba—_

Look, you're wasting my time. I have a company to run and no time to entertain the United States military. If you have no further questions, gentlemen, I'll just excuse myself.

_Q. Mr. Kaiba, your company is facing serious charges. Conspiracy, terrorism, and extensive property damage, and that's just the beginning of a very long list. And, based on the evidence we've gathered, this all looks like a publicity stunt made by your company._

And as far as I know, this could be your attempt to wrap up this case by blaming my company. You haven't caught those responsible, and given the level of damage sustained in the United States, that isn't acceptable. Now you're pointing fingers and hoping you point to the right person.

_Q. We are conducting an investigation, Mr. Kaiba. We're examining all of the evidence carefully, and a lot of it is directing us to you and your company. We are well aware of the publicity stunts you have done to help promote your technology in Japan. Given that you have recently started investing in the United States, and have yet to promote your company, a stunt like this wouldn't be too far of a stretch._

This would be a fascinating scenario to explore if I wasn't already bored.

_Q. Mr. Kaiba—_

That, and there is nothing for my company to gain from it.

_Q. Mr. Kaiba, if you do not cooperate, you do not present the chance the clear your name._

Hm, maybe I would cooperate if you stopped wasting my time. If you're going to accuse me of something, I want to see this so-called 'evidence'. And it better be good, because I already have plans to sue.

_Q. Fine. But we still need to ask you a few questions. Tell us about Yuugi Mutou._

Yuugi…Why is he relevant to this?

_Q. He is a specific target of the group known as 'Doma'. Given your history with the young man—_

So you're implying I would spend my company resources to go after him?

_Q. Your rivalry isn't exactly a secret._

But of course. It keeps the fans interested.

_Q. Mr. Kaiba, if we find you risked national security to go after this boy—_

I would say you were placing too much importance on Yuugi Mutou. He's a decent duelist with a piece of crap for a deck, and that is all he is.

_Q. So why would someone go after him? And why using the card game Duel Monsters?_

Isn't that the purpose of your investigation?

_Q. Yes, and we want answers, Mr. Kaiba. You were there when he put a stop to 'Doma'. What were they after? Why did they target him?_

…You find it hard to believe this was all about a card game, don't you?

_Q. Mr. Kaiba, if you are withholding information—_

You'll what? Arrest me? Charge me with obstruction of justice? I'd like to see you try.

_Q. Don't push us, Mr. Kaiba—_

And don't threaten me. Now, listen. I will tell you what all this is about. Have you ever played _Duel Monsters_? No, I didn't think so. What makes the game great would be lost on you. Here, this is my deck. We'll play a little game.

_Q. What is the point of this—_

Be patient. Now, each card as a certain number of attack points. Are you writing this down? Good. Now, you will draw a card, and I will draw a card. Whoever has the higher attack points, wins. Get it?

_Q. Mr. Kaiba, we don't have time for games—_

You've wasted a considerable amount of time, but at least here, I'm trying to show you something. Pick a card. Good. Now, was that so hard? You've drawn Hitotsu-me Giant. A fairly decent card when played correctly. Now, my draw.

…I've drawn the Blue Eyes White Dragon. Attack points are three thousand, and as it is the more _powerful_ card, it defeats Hitotsu-me Giant.

_Q. I still don't see the point—_

Then you weren't paying attention. Now, gentlemen, you've wasted enough of my time. I've answer enough questions, and if you wish to ask me more, you can contact my lawyer.

_Q. Don't think this is over, Mr. Kaiba._

Oh, I don't. I'll see you in court, gentlemen.

* * *

**/END TRANSCRIPT/**


	5. Re: Yuugi Mutou

**To:** The Federal Bureau of Investigation  
**From:** Office of Naval Intelligence  
**Re:** Yuugi Mutou Interviews Enclosed

Yuugi Mutou is definitely an enigma, sirs. Before we took him into questioning, we found he had managed to make the entire female personnel staff start to dote on him. Also, the ship's captain was about ready to give him a tour of the **Autumn** before we called him in. It's unusual for one person to have such an effect on the crew.

But aside from that ability, the oddest part was when the boy seemed to have a complete personality change…

* * *

_Attachment: Transcript_

**0900 Hours, August 11, 1998**  
USS Autumn, Office of Naval Intelligence  
Atlantic Ocean off the coast of New York  
Re: Yuugi Mutou, Age 17

_Q. Yuugi Mutou…you have earned yourself the title of 'number one duelist' and 'king of games' for the card game Duel Monsters. You are also the winner of Duelist Kingdom and the Battle City Tournament, correct?_

…Y-Yeah, that's correct.

_Q. You have quite a reputation in the gaming world. You have thousands of fans, support from an international corporation, the most powerful cards in the game…All of it could really go to your head, can't it?_

…Huh?

_Q. Don't play with us, Mr. Mutou. Your friends may say good things about you, but we—_

Excuse me! S-Sorry, but I have to ask about my friends. Are they all right? I haven't seen them since you separated us!

_Q. They're fine._

Great! May I see them soon?

_Q. After we're finished._

Okay! And I'm really sorry for interrupting you. What was the question again?

_Q. It was…about fame… Let's move on, Mr. Mutou. Do you know why you and your friends were detained?_

…I'm sorry, but no, not really.

_Q. Hm. We asked each of your friends a series of questions about you. None of them could say anything bad about you, except for Mr. Kaiba. But he was more demeaning than anything._

Heh, yeah. That's Kaiba-kun for you!

_Q. Yes…right…We found that you inspire a great deal of loyalty, especially from your friends. A trait often found in a leader...do you consider yourself a leader, Mr. Mutou?_

Ummm…no?

_Q. We…huh…let's get to the point, Mr. Mutou. A group known as 'Doma' specifically targeted you, because – as we were led to believe – they wanted your Duel Monster 'god cards'. But, really, Mr. Mutou. What was this all about?_

Ummm…what do you mean? They were after my…god cards.

_Q. So, we are supposed to believe that acts of cyber terrorism we're committed all for a card game?_

Err…wait. Huh? Cyber what?

_Q. Was this supposed to be a publicity stunt made by Kaiba Corporations, Mr. Mutou? Was it a game? Was the world supposed to get attacked by monsters from this game so you could live up to your title? So you could 'save' the world? So you could be a hero?_

No! No! Duel Monsters is just a card game! It's a card game I play for fun! I don't care about titles, or being a hero, or anything else like that!

_Q. Do you really expect us to believe that? People were left comatose in the streets, holding evidence that they had just played the game. The creator of Duel Monsters went missing, and acts of terrorism were committed using Kaiba Corporations' holographic technology! This wasn't about a card game, at all!_

I-I…it is! It was! Wait…No! No, this is a big misunderstanding! We had nothing to do with 'Doma'!

_Q. Don't lie to us, Mr. Mutou! Were you the mastermind behind all of this? Was this a plot constructed between you, Seto Kaiba and Pegasus J. Crawford to help promote your title, the game, and a corporation?_

N-No! I didn't have anything to do with this! Neither did Kaiba-kun, or Crawford-san! We didn't!

_Q. You are facing serious charges, Mr. Mutou. Conspiracy, terrorism, and other things, that, once we prove, is going to put you away in prison for a very, very long time. We'll put away your friends too, for being accomplices in acts of global terrorism._

My friends! No, they didn't have anything to do with this! None of us did! You can't do this!

_Q. We're the United States Military, Mr. Mutou. We can do anything._

I-I…I…

_Q. Mr. Mutou?_

No…you can't.

_Q. Can't we?_

No. You said so yourself. You have no _proof_ to your accusations.

_Q. We'll find some._

No, you won't, because there is nothing out there to support your ridiculous claims. And because of that, you'll have to let us go. And then you'll be left wondering what this was all about.

_Q. What was this all about…Mr. Mutou?_

Isn't that something you are trying to figure out? Why should I tell you?

_Q. Because you are a key suspect in a global conspiracy._

I am?

_Q. Yes…_

Do you doubt yourself, and what you think is true? If you do, let me warn you to be careful what you reveal to me.

_Q. Are you threatening me, Mr. Mutou?_

No, I'm warning you. And, you do doubt these claims. You don't really believe me – or Anzu, Jounouchi and Honda – had anything to do with this. We just happened to get caught up in it.

_Q. What about Seto Kaiba's involvement?_

I'll leave that to you. By all means, continue to investigate him.

_Q. But…you were protesting his innocence—_

That was then. This is now. I'm going to leave you now, so you can continue on your investigation. Remember, all Duel Monsters is a card game. But people have the tendency to put importance on things that should remain simple. They don't realize they should try to figure out what is truly important for them, instead of being obsessed with power, and fame, and other such things.

_Q. Interesting words…wait, where are you going? We're not finished here, Mr. Mutou._

Yes, we are. Unless, of course, you want to play a game? We could make it interesting. If I win, you have to let me and my friends go, free of all charges and accusations. If you win, I'll stay here, and answer all your questions.

_Q. We don't have time for games, Mr. Mutou._

No one ever seems to. But think of the incentive, all for _one_ game. I'll even let you pick it.

_Q. Fine, one game._

Perfect. Your move.

* * *

**/END TRANSCRIPT/**

* * *

Our investigation has concluded that Seto Kaiba of Kaiba Corporations had no part in the acts of 'Doma', while Yuugi Mutou and friends were cleared of all charges. I do recommend we keep an eye on them, and anyone who uses Duel Monsters has a front. Aside from the actual card game…

It appears it was just a card game.

Sincerely,

The Office of Naval Intelligence


End file.
